


Riku is (not) fucking Yaotome Gaku

by ordinaryxtreme



Series: What kind of wacky romance story is this? [1]
Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cute texts, M/M, Not a Serious Fic, conspiracy theorist iori, dad in denial sougo, tired of life yamato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 14:52:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinaryxtreme/pseuds/ordinaryxtreme
Summary: Iori notices Riku has been acting really strange lately. Symptoms: spaces out during conversation, stares at phone, smiles like an idiot out of nowhere, giggling red-faced while texting. This is clearly a sign that IDOLiSH7's dear Nanase Riku is secretly dating someone, and that someone is most definitely NOT Yaotome Gaku.





	Riku is (not) fucking Yaotome Gaku

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this before part 4 started and only gotten around to finishing it now, so there's nothing spoilery. It's set after the storyline of i7 ends, so Tsukumo Ryo is in fucking jail like he deserves.

The members of Idolish7 are gathered at the common room on their day off, getting some bonding time in eating Mitsuki's home-made cooking. Magikona is playing on the TV so the room is filled with Nagi and Tamaki's screams along with Yamato and Mitsuki using every chance they could get to throw a jab at the two brats. Meanwhile on the quieter side of the spectrum, Sougo and Iori are bonding over DIY tutorial videos on Youtube.

Meanwhile, Riku was....

"Heh... heheh..."

staring at his phone chuckling to himself. Iori, being Iori, has noticed this strange un-Riku-like behavior, which has been occurring for about exactly 9 days. It isn't like Riku never does that, but recently it's been happening way too often. He could definitely draw a chart recording the frequency of these incidents per day if anyone so much as asked. 

"Iori-kun?" Sougo's voice and a tap at his shoulder awakens him from his staring. 

"Ah, yes, you were saying?" Iori smiles apologetically to the concerned older man. 

"I was just wondering what you've been looking at so intensely," Sougo explains, in his eyes a mild look of both curiosity and worry. 

"Osaka-san," Iori starts, directing his gaze back to Riku, the older man's eyes following suit. "Don't you think Nanase-san has been doing that too much?"

As if the world has planned for it, Riku chooses this moment to laugh and sigh at his screen like an idiot. Sougo's head tilts ever so slightly, more intrigued than disturbed.  "Maybe he's texting Momo-san? His texts always make me laugh too," he attempts to make some sense of that behavior but soon contradicts himself, "Though, I don't think I've ever seen him make that kind of face."

"So, you think so too." Iori crosses his arms on his chest, saying in a sour tone. "I do not accept not knowing what's causing this."

"Hm? Hm? What's going on over here?" The other four huddle closer to the two, as if they had a fun-radar that directs them to wherever all the excitement is. Though for Iori, this is not the least bit thrilling. 

"Just _look_ at him," Iori says, quickly getting irritated as Riku does That Thing for the umpteenth time today. He clicks his tongue and Yamato laughs his typical old-man laugh. 

"You're too worried, Ichi. He's probably just texting Momo-san," the bespectacled man says, patting Iori's shoulder as a gesture of comfort, though it's not exactly working right now.

"Hmmm... But you know? It looks more like he's texting his lover," Nagi donates his two cents and unexpectedly, this is the only observation that makes sense to Iori, despite the unlikeliness of it all. He looks around to check if anyone else agrees. Tamaki just looks perplexed, Sougo looks ready to vehemently refute that statement at any second and Yamato laughs in disbelief. 

Mitsuki, though, nods. "Honestly, I can't deny that. I mean, that face just screams 'I'm in love!'" The others start observing Riku, who is still blind to the world, closer and conjuring up other possible explanations.

It makes so much sense that it's actually starting to horrify Iori. He is definitely not the type to even think about love and he honestly thought Riku is the same. But knowing the redhead, he probably isn't doing much thinking at all. That is the real bitter icing on the cake. 

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Ichi. That might be true, but as long as Riku keeps it under wraps from the media and doesn't lose focus during practice, he should be allowed to do what he pleases," Yamato dismisses, too carefree for Iori's comfort. The conversation is soon driven to another topic, but the nagging feeling in Iori's gut remains.

 

* * *

 

                            Touma-san

 

 

                                                Good work today,                                                      

                                                Touma-san! :D

 

You too, Riku.

 

                                  Have you had dinner yet?

 

Not yet. I'm heading to

my favorite ramen place

right now

 

                                                       Your favorite?

 

                                                  Can I come? *0*

 

Wha

 

  1. what about your friends?



 

don't you usually have dinner

with them?

 

                                    Yeah but... I want to see

                                     you, Touma-san :(

 

ah geez.... youre so.. 

 

fine. i'll share you the

location

 

* * *

Iori's worries didn't catch on to the rest until about 2 weeks later. The six of them are sitting on the dining table, surrounding a pile of Mitsuki's signature fried rice, a grave look on all their faces. The atmosphere is heavy as the group's leader Yamato clears his throat and begins.

"Good evening, I'm glad everyone is here to participate. Tonight, we will discuss the issue of why Riku has been skipping out on dinner with us. Sou, a rundown of the situation please." 

At Yamato's call, Sougo stands up and reads from a piece of paper. The other participants listen with utmost attention.  "Understood. Ahem. After two weeks of careful observation, as of July the 2nd, the subject has skipped out on dinner exactly 4 times, including today. Despite his schedule being open during dinner time. Mitsuki-san, to the text messages, please."

Sougo sits down and now it's the older Izumi's turn to stand up. In his hand is his phone. He reads what is on it aloud. "Reading today's message. "Mitsuki-san, I'm sorry I won't be able to eat dinner with everyone today, frowning emoji. I know I've been doing it a lot, I'm so sorry, crying emoji."

Yamato sighs, "You know you don't have to read the emo-"

"Oh yes! I have a theory!" Nagi cuts the older man off, raising his hand high in the air. The group's leader massages his temples. It's literally been two minutes and it's already falling apart. "Alright. Discuss," he states calmly as he tries his best to keep the meeting cohesive.

Nagi smirks, hugs his own body while wriggling like a dying caterpillar and says with an overexaggerated sultry voice. "He's most definitely having a passionate night with his secret lover!" 

Sougo abruptly stands up and bangs the table with his fist. "Nagi-kun!" Tamaki, sitting slumped on his chair and absent-mindedly eating pudding, straightens his back in a fear-induced reflex. "Riku would never come home past 9 pm unless it's absolutely necessary! Much less stay over at some stranger's home!"

"S-sou-chan, calm down," the 17-year-old grabs Sougo's arm and pulls him back down to his seat. Sougo glares daggers at Nagi as Tamaki rubs his back in a vain attempt to calm him down.

"But what if it is necessary?" Mitsuki asks thoughtfully, hand on his chin. "Maybe he's being taken advantage of. You know how gullible he is." This speculation strikes fear in the heart of the other members as they start chattering in unrest. 

"I love you, Mitsuki, but I must disagree!" Nagi states loudly. "Whoever this person is, they are making Riku smile so happily. I refuse to believe them to be a bad person!"

"Yes, but there are a lot of smart people in this world who could do that!" Mitsuki retaliates. "I love you too, Nagi, but this way of thinking is too naive!" At that statement, Nagi clicks his tongue and the two proceed to have a full-on argument, which Sougo decides to contribute to as well. Yamato sighs.  This meeting is ruined.

"Um, excuse me," Tamaki raises his hand hesitantly, but the three arguing don't pay him any heed and Yamato seems to have already lost all hope for this world. "I have information about the culprit!" He yells. The three making a ruckus stop in their tracks, just as Nagi and Mitsuki are about to roughhouse. Iori, who hasn't said a word or moved a muscle since the beginning of the meeting, jerks. Yamato sends him an expectant look.

"I once asked Rikkun who he was texting..." Tamaki begins. "He said they look scary at first but are actually a really kind person. And that we know them. And that Iorin might lose his shit if he knew who they were." Tamaki sits back down with a self-satisfied smile because he had just single-handedly dropped the mic on this nearly pointless meeting.

Sougo gasps loudly. "Tamaki-kun, language!" 

A wave of questions directed at Tamaki comes surging in, asking to describe this mysterious person more. Tamaki, who has already exhausted what he knew, could only try to fend himself from everyone crowding him. And they call themselves adults. He glances at Iori, asking for help. The boy looks about ready to explode and Yamato... Yamato's disappeared. Of course, he wouldn't want to deal with the difficult shit. 

"That's it! I'm done with this farce!" Iori yells and the room goes dead silent. He stomps to his dorm room and comes back out pushing out a huge corkscrew board, filled with pictures and graphs connected with strings. It's straight up a conspiracy theorist board. The new interesting thing grabs everyone's attention and at some point, Yamato has reappeared. 

"Alright. Listen up. I have been watching Nanase-san very closely the past 3 weeks, compiling and filing all the times he has lost track of conversations, stared into space looking dumb, and times he avoided my questions," he states, pointing to a couple excruciatingly detailed graphs. 

“Based on what I know of Nanase-san and how obvious he is, he has shown no signs of agitation or discomfort. The only people who both we and Nanase-san know who would take advantage of him is Tsukumo Ryo and Kujou. Tsukumo is in jail so that's impossible and Kujou is out there doing, pardon my French, whatever the _hell_ he does."

"Oh my god," Sougo goes limp as if Iori just announced Riku was dead. 

"We've established that Nanase-san is meeting a lover, which is most definitely not Re:vale, no matter how much they tell him he's cute. And besides they’re married. Which leaves one conclusion. And it's the worst of them all," Iori explains gravely and everyone else holds their breaths. Yamato is beginning to question whether he should change Riku's Wikipedia status to deceased. 

Tamaki raises his hand, a serious look on his face. Everyone's gaze moves to him. "Does that mean that the illuminati is real?" 

Iori sighs, but still answers Tamaki seriously. "No, no it doesn't. It means that..." Iori pauses dramatically and flips to the backside of the board to a big picture of TRIGGER. "He is, of his own free will, seeing a member of TRIGGER. Specifically, Yaotome Gaku."

"Haa?! Iori, I know you're worked up about all of this, but this is just ridiculous! Why Yaotome?!" Mitsuki retaliates in horror. Sougo's knees give way and he falls the floor in shock.

"Think about it. He looks scary at first but is actually a kind person,” Iori answered readily.

“But there are a lot of people like that!” Mitsuki retaliates, but Iori can no longer be defeated, because next, he says,

“Tamaki said I might freak out if I found out who it was. Guess what, nii-san. I’m freaking out. I’m losing my shit, I’m going _ham,_ I-“

Iori continues his endless list of synonyms for “freaking out”, Yamato sighs for the billionth time that night, Tamaki is back to being Tamaki and eating pudding without a care in the world. And Sougo...

"Riku-kun... my innocent baby boy..."

Well, he's just being himself.

 

* * *

 

 

                            Touma-san 

 

 

                                            Touma-san, are you                                                   

                                                  done with work?  

 

Yeah, just got off

 

what's up?

 

                                  I was wondering if i could

                                  come over :D

 

are you crazy?

 

what about your friends?

 

dont you want to spend

time with them?

 

                                                       Yeah but........

 

                                          I want to get to know 

                                          you better 

 

                                                           Touma-san

 

                                            am I being weird? :c

 

geez

 

dont say that

 

fine. you can come

 

but make sure to tell your

friends you're coming

 

                                             yaay!!! wait for me,  

                                             Touma-san! \\('o')/

 

* * *

 10 p.m.

"Guys!" Mitsuki bursts out of his room, banging his door open and screaming so loud, it wakes everyone in the building and probably all the neighbors in a 100-meter radius. "Code red!!!"

"Code red?!" Sougo yells just as loudly running out his room, not making it further than a few steps before his legs give in and he has to lean on the wall for support. 

Yamato appears from his room looking quite exhausted. He has just come home from an acting job and he doesn't need this shit right now. "Mitsu... this better not be a false alarm. I'm not ready to exhaust myself from panic just yet," he says with his arms crossed, shooting Mitsuki an expectant look.

"Not a false alarm..." Mitsuki's voice shakes. He takes a deep breath before continuing, holding his phone up to show the other two, "Riku literally just texted that he won't be coming home tonight."

"Wh... what's going on?" Tamaki's sleepy voice is heard approaching the three adults. He looks over Mitsuki's shoulders to see the text they are all gawking at and simply says, "Oh... Rikkun is getting laid. Nice. Good going, bro."

Sougo, upon hearing that, starts sobbing. One would think that he's piss drunk, just dropping to the ground all miserable and loudly moaning in pain and misery. Or hell, maybe he is? Yamato never knows with him. "Oh no... my precious, innocent Riku-kun... "

"There, there, Sou-chan. Hey come on, let's go to sleep," Tamaki lifts the older man up, and says some more comforting words as he takes him back to his room. Yamato and Mitsuki watch their fallen comrade withdraw in silence. They understand. Riku is like a little brother to them too. Though they are really starting to wonder which one the adult of the MEZZO" duo is.

Suddenly, Nagi appears behind them and reads Riku's text message. "Oh... is Riku having a passionate night wi-"

Mitsuki interjects in a deadpan tone. "Nagi, not now. We are in shock."

Yamato sighs. "I'm not, only you and Sou are. I knew this'd happen soon enough and so did Tama.... I think," he adds the last bit after a long pause. Tamaki might be one of the most desired embraces but Yamato really can't imagine him even thinking about that sort of stuff. Sorry, girls, pudding is the only one for Tamaki.

"Speaking of which, where's Iori? He's the one most worried about Riku, no?" Nagi asks and as if on cue, Iori comes out of the room in... full gear. If one could count a mask a la The Scream and a bottle of pepper spray "gear". Iori’s face may be obstructed but it is definitely expressing the very definition of rage.

"That's it. I'm coming for Yaotome Gaku myself, blind him with pepper spray and then tear him apart with my bare hands," Iori declares so intensely that Yamato actually starts fearing for Yaotome's life. Or at least his eyes. There's no way Iori could tear someone apart... right? Even the fact that Iori’s still wearing his pajamas doesn’t make the statement any less threatening.

"Why are you still so convinced it's Yaotome? You _know_ he's got a thing for the manager right?" Mitsuki sighs in frustration. They've had this argument more times than their hands could count. Despite Mitsuki writing whole 50-page dissertations about how the most desired embrace is in love with the manager, Iori is still so sure it's Yaotome Gaku, that Yamato might be willing to suspend his disbelief. 

"Listen, Ichi," Yamato tries to defuse the ticking time-bomb. "There's no need to get physical, let's just settle this matter diplomatically-"

"Ok then I'm calling him," Iori states and has his phone on his hand dialing Gaku faster than Yamato or Mitsuki could react. He isn't particularly worried about how Gaku would react when posed the question "Are you fucking Riku?" but he IS definitely worried about the second-hand embarrassment. 

Meanwhile Mitsuki looks decidedly like he wants to disappear off the face of this earth this instant. And Nagi, whose motto is "As long as it doesn't ruin our career", is just having fun watching everything fall apart. 

"Ok, Iori, this is a delicate matter, so you should be subtle with him," Mitsuki says as Gaku's dial tone plays. 

~Taste me, taste me... Taste you, taste you...~

This... this really isn't helping. Iori has literal smoke coming out of his ears.

"Oh, yes!” Nagi screams. There goes 50 more neighbors’ sleep. “I love this song! Melty love, melty kiss!"

"Don't sing along, Nagi!"

Yamato sighs. Just hurry and pick up the damn phone Yaotome.

"Hello?" The voice of the most desired embrace greets, gruff and tired. "Izumi junior?"

"Yes, Yaotome-san, it's me. I have a very urgent question for you which will determine the fate of the universe."

Mitsuki face palms and Yamato is trying not to scream out of embarrassment. 

"Ok, I don't know if it's THAT urgent, but hit me up," Yaotome laughs. He's clearly exhausted but he's still willing to deal with a clearly agitated Iori. He's such a nice guy. Yamato is almost touched. If it turns out Gaku is actually dating Riku, he hopes that Iori would at least spare his limbs.

"Pardon my French but, are you fucking Nanase-san?" 

A faint "Oh my god." can be heard from Sougo's room.

Yamato's instincts say that this is probably the best time to back off, disappear, and tell Yaotome that "he wasn't involved", but he stays. He stays because he wants, no, NEEDS to know. This has gone on long enough and Mitsu seems to think so as well. 

"What the fuck." That's the voice of a completely bamboozled man. "Izumi junior... I don't know if this is some sort of prank but let me just tell you honestly…"

Dramatic pause. Seconds feel like literal eternities. He's definitely doing this on purpose.

"No, I'm not."

The three share a sigh of relief. Yamato persuades Iori to hand him his phone and takes some steps back from the others, so he could somehow clear this "misunderstanding" up. "Hello, Yaotome. We're playing truth or dare haha, you know, the young’ns."

"Ah ok," Gaku laughs. "I was just confused because Izumi junior would never say the f word on his free will."

" _That’s_ what confuses you?" Yamato sighs. Why are all his friends like this. 

* * *

 

                         Touma-san <3

 

 

                                     Touma-san, are you                                                   

                                     spending the weekend

                                     with the rest of ZOOL?           

 

nah theyre warming up

but they still dont like

hanging out too much

 

 

                            oh ok then take it slow! hehe

                                  

yeah.

 

besides i think mina is 

starting to catch on

 

about us

 

hows it going on your end?

 

                                   No one suspects a thing!

 

hm......

 

i dont trust you riku

 

                                                                awww :c

 

                               it's the truth Touma-san! ><

 

just kidding haha

 

if you believe so then

 

i believe you

 

have fun this weekend, riku

 

                                                        aw, hehe ////

 

                                                 you have fun too, 

                                                 Touma-san! :D

 

* * *

It only takes another week before the six members got their shit together enough to set up a plan. A plan being they play Never Have I Ever with Riku while slowly baiting relationship questions to find out more about this mysterious lover, who most likely is not Yaotome Gaku.

It's a Sunday, they all have the night off, Riku is not going out. The six are at their stations, pretending to be none the wiser, ready to act eagerly once the cue arrives. 

"Guys, I'm bored. Let's do something," comes the cue from Yamato and the others' go on high alert. 

"Hmmm, I know! let's play a game!" Tamaki suggests in a tone that's way too fake for anyone but Riku to actually buy into. 

"Yes, I agree! What game should we play?" Sougo's back is literally stiff as a stick while saying this and Yamato holds back the urge to bang his face on the wall. How the hell are the MEZZO" duo doing so great on TV anyway? They're lucky Riku is trusting to a fault.

Riku looks intrigued, unfortunately. How is this kid still alive?  "Umm.. I think charades would be fun! It's been a while since game night and we had a lot of fun when we played last time!" He suggests obliviously, completely derailing the planned script because they forgot to factor in that Riku might actually say something.

Seeing everyone's panicked faces, Mitsuki, master of improv, saves the day. "Ahh, actually I was feeling like playing never have I ever. We'll be playing with coca cola, of course." 

"Oh, ok that sounds fun, too!" Riku agrees, no questions asked, and the rest sigh in relief. They all huddle sitting in a circle and decide they'll play counter-clockwise starting with Yamato. The plan is to ease the game into questions about Riku's secret lover and how far the two have gone together. Though seeing an overly antsy Iori sitting across him, just twitching with impatience, no one is really sure if they'll even stick with the plan.

"Ok so I'll start. Never have I ever...." Yamato sighs. This is something he's really been itching to know (he feels like asking normally would be too much prying), though he knows he's going to get really sad results. "... had a girlfriend." Nagi smiles self-satisfactorily takes a shot but he doesn't count. Everyone else? Nil. The atmosphere grows that little bit heavier. He loses all hope for his friends.

"Well, then," Sougo is quick to continue. "Never have I ever had a boyfriend." Then he takes a shot. Why he'd ask a question that he himself would have to drink to is a mystery. But more important than that, Riku takes the shot, completely red in the face. He could have lied and not take the shot but he didn't. Mitsuki looks like he's about to cry from the cuteness.

But now's not the time to be touched. Yamato starts blinking rapidly which is code for "Everyone! Start pretending to be surprised!".

"Oh my god! Rikkun! I didn't expect this at all!" Tamaki yells suddenly, acting so horribly, he doesn't even cut it for an amateur kids show. Mitsuki cringes and Yamato tries his best to look surprised. Iori... well he's not trying at all. He's just (subtly) glaring at Riku.

"Who's this lucky man, Riku?" Nagi thankfully butts in before Sougo could get a say and make things 10 times worse.

Riku's face flushes even more. "It's a secret I'm sorry." He looks so sincerely dejected he can't tell them. Yamato is THIS close to just ending the game. Sougo seems to be troubled too, judging by the furrow of his brows. Meanwhile, Iori is mumbling "cute" multiple times under his breath like some kind of satanic spell. 

"That's alright, Riku, take it slow," Mitsuki pats Riku's shoulder in comfort. But it's all a god damn lie. The redhead is only going to get even more embarrassed as the game goes on. 

"Ooh! Ooh! Never have I ever kissed someone before!" Tamaki declares, looking proud that he doesn't have to drink his shot. You could almost see a tail wagging in self-satisfaction. Nagi takes a shot. He seems happy that he's losing, yelling "Yaay! Yaay!". Yamato takes a shot too, while explaining that "It was just a one-time thing, I swear". 

Again, Riku takes a shot. 

"Haha wow, I'm on a bad streak," he laughs awkwardly and scratches his cheek to hide his embarrassment. Under normal circumstances, Iori would be jumping for joy at how adorable this is. But now... steam is coming out his ears again. Yamato sighs. He glances at Nagi to hurry up and finish the game. 

"Oh! Never have I ever frenched!" Nagi proudly declares but then drinks the cola faster than he could say "Kokona". Does he even know how to play the game?

Riku's head tilts and everyone simultaneously dies. "Frenched? What's that?"

"When you kiss... But with tongue," Nagi explains, licking his lips at the last part. To think girls get on with this atrocious man. 

Riku lets out an adorable little whine and drinks. Iori seems torn between being horrified and being moved by the cuteness. Next is his turn. This is nothing but a bad, bad sign. The other five's gazes turn to Iori, begging him to not ask anything stupid. Yamato blinks rapidly at Iori which is code for "Do not ask about Yaotome Gaku!". 

He really should think of more codes.

"Never have I ever been embraced in a romantic way by Yaotome Gaku."

The leader sighs. What did he expect? 

Riku looks more than confused (completely justified), not at the question, but at his groupmates who don't look confused at all. Obviously, no one drunk to that and ~~the evil~~ Iori has been defeated. Mitsuki blinks rapidly as code for "Haha told you so!"

Yamato blinks at Mitsuki. "Stop copying my code! That's a DMCA violation! You’re now demonetized!" 

Mitsuki blinks back. "This is within fair use grounds, Yamato."

Tamaki starts blinking too to join in the fun but is only met with confused stares from the two. He pouts as the others watched in bewilderment. 

"Ok, Riku, you're next," Sougo, who's understandably tired of this bullshit, moves the game forward (thank god) and Riku gulps.

“Uh… never have I ever suspected a friend is in a secret relationship.”

Everyone starts blinking rapidly at each other, all saying something along the lines of “AAAAAAA”.

Iori has apparently spent all his patience and cannot be content with just screaming with his eyelids so he proceeds to do it in real life too, looking like he’s been possessed by devil.

“Aaaaahh! I’m tired of this! We _are_ suspicious, Nanase-san, we have been for about exactly 23 days!” He reveals and finally, after weeks, Yamato can sigh in relief. The plan may be ruined, but it’s come to the point where he’s tired of life. The others look arguably like they’re thinking the same thing.

“Wait, really?” Riku apprehensively asks the others for confirmation, his eyes big and glassy, and Mitsuki, who’s weak to this kicked-puppy face, nods apologetically.

“I’m sorry, Riku. But the fact that you’re keeping it a secret worries us. We’re just afraid you’re with someone dangerous.”

Everyone nods in agreement. Riku’s metaphorical dog ears flop downward. “I’m sorry guys… Yes, I am dating,” he confesses with a face as red as his hair. “It’s not Gaku-san, though, sorry to disappoint,” he adds.

“Oh, Riku, there’s no need to keep your relationship a secret,” Nagi ruffles Riku’s hair, smiling reassuringly. “Now, can you tell us who the lucky man is?”

Riku inhales deeply like he was preparing to hit the long high note in Viva!!! Fantastic life, and finally answers. “It’s Touma-san.”

The room was still. It was like The World had stopped time and the only one who was conscious was Riku, though he honestly didn’t think he could hold out any longer because the suspense was killing him. “Uh… guys?”

The first ones to finally react were the team nii-chans. Yamato slung his arm around Riku’s shoulder and Mitsuki (gently) drove a fist in Riku’s head. “Wow, Touma’s snatched himself a good one,” Yamato says, grabbing the rest of his beer and chugging it all down in one go. “I swear, if he makes you cry, I’m gonna punch his guts out!” Mitsuki declares and proceeds to also chug all his beer in one go.

“Oh!!! Riku!!! Congratulations on losing your virginity!” Nagi screams and bear hugs Riku head on. Riku’s face exploded as red as his hair and he screams too, though he isn’t making much sense. The trio were completely all over him making a ruckus and he barely had any space to breathe.

“Rikkun got laid! Rikkun got laid!!” Tamaki starts screaming too and runs around the living room. The place feels more like a zoo now that two out of the only three adults in the room are drunk and the other one is in the corner having an existential crisis, mumbling something along the lines of “My sweet summer child… has been defiled…”

“G-g-g-g-guys!!” Riku finally breaks out of the Pythagoras trio and comes out of his incoherent spluttering and forms a complete sentence, screaming louder than he has ever screamed, he proclaimed, “I haven’t lost my virginity!! Not yet!!”

And at “not yet”, Iori finally moves, but really, it was just him going limp and falling to the floor, eyes wide open but as lifeless as the Dead Sea, body intact but unmoving like a corpse. His mental state? Don’t ask.

It was a complete K.O..

 

The winner of today’s match is… definitely not Izumi Iori.

* * *

 

                         Touma-san <3

 

 

                                                      Touma-san!!!

 

                                                     Good news!!!!

 

                                          TOUMA-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!           

 

riku? sup?

 

whats gotten you

so excited this time?

 

 

                                 I told the rest of the guys

                                 about us

                                  

WHAT

 

                                    But they weren’t mad!

 

                         They support us! Touma-san! 

  
riku…..

 

                                            Are you mad? :(

 

No!!! not at all im happy

we dont have to hide

anymore

                                                         huh??

the guys…

 

they caught on.

 

so i told them yesterday

 

sorry for not telling you

                                  I’m not mad Touma-san! :D

                                   

                                  I’m so happy I could die! <3

Wha-

 

dont die riku

 

cos i

 

I love you.

 

Riku?

 

Riku?????

 

RIKU

 

RIKUUUUUUUUU

 

* * *

R.I.P Nanase Riku, 2k19.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is so stupid, but I hope it made you laugh. Ship TouRiku y'all, it ain't hard.  
> The boyfriend Sougo /had/ is up for interpretation. Tho I didn"t have anyone particular in mind.
> 
> Hit me up on twt @/OrdinaryXtreme


End file.
